I can laugh NOW… That day, I laughed too, I mean what else could I do? Do I like to relive it? Not really. Do I think the story has any learning value? Maybe… But If you SH*T your pants, how would you feel? You haven’t? I had HEARD of people doing this before…. I thought HOW AWFUL!! Really YOU couldn’t make it to the bathroom?? YOU’RE an ADULT!!! Well, it happens, FULL grown adults can SH*T their pants! I did! It was embarrassing… and FUNNY!
I blame all the other parents involved… At the time, I didn’t think anything of it, but now I look back and think “They are a@#holes,whose brilliant idea was it that the Mom, with a newborn and a 16 month old, should also be responsible to help the 6 year old, 12 year old, and the 14 year old, 5 days after giving birth, finish Christmas shopping?” *if you didn’t know, we are a blended family. I had one, My hubby had 2 (2 different Mom’s) and then we had 2. REALLY? When most Mom’s are home resting and others are helping them, I had all the kids? It doesn’t matter… It is what I was doing.
I was super tired, and I could FINALLY drink COFFEE!!! I was super excited! So why not go for the strongest, best I could get… STARBUCKS! YES!
Aahhh, the sweet, sweet taste of a good coffee, loaded with caffeine, of which I hadn’t had in months…. I’ve had better ideas…
For some reason after having a child, I am terrified of going #2, you know pooping! It scares me, I don’t know why. People suggest laxatives, I have a better idea for new Moms, Coffee…just make sure you are very close to a toilet…
So here I was getting ready to go to the Layton Mall, I had been savoring every yummy sip from that hot deliciousness… It warmed my belly, all the kids were being super! Then sitting at the red stop light, I could feel it… that rumbling, you know, where your belly is saying “Hey, it’s time! YOU better find a bathroom and fast!”
My mind started racing… where would be the quickest place… I gripped the steering wheel, I had to hold it, I HAD to…
My sister lives close, I could go there.
Belly: “Um… too far! You won’t make it!”
I started sweating.. This isn’t going to be good.
A big Fart slipped out… (After not just one, but 2 children in 16 months, you really don’t have much muscle control.)
My bonus daughter looked at me…
I looked at her, and said, “This isn’t going to end well if I don’t find a bathroom, and quickly”
Her: “Where should we go, you can’t HOLD it?”
Me: “I’m trying! I don’t know if I can make it, oh, there is a Maverick right down the road”
Beads of sweat started pouring, I was shaking from trying to hold it!
ME: ” STUPID light! PLEASE turn Green!” There was so much traffic! URGH why would I come to Layton during full swing, panic mode Christmas shopping!
It turned green… I started to turn, and as I did, my bowels decided this was the perfect time to let go off a couple days of buildup… It came out with a loud, long juicy sound. I would say I “sharted” myself, but truly it was bigger, MUCH much bigger than that…
Bonus Daughter: “Are you ok?”
Me: “No, No I’m not….”
Someone from the back, “EWWW, I think one of the babies POOPED!”
Me: “No, no it wasn’t them, it was ME!”
LAUGHTER, laughter, my bonus daughter looked at me, trying so hard to hold back her laughs, “I’m sorry, it is funny?” then she and the oldest, BUSTED up LAUGHING! I’m sure I was red with embarrassment, but really… I couldn’t hold it, soon, we were all LAUGHING!
I pulled in to a gas station, trying to figure out what to do… Thankfully I had kids old enough to sit in the car with all the kids…
I took a receiving blanket and wrapped it around myself…
Do you really want me to go into HOW I had to CLEAN MYSELF up, in a PUBLIC restroom, right off a busy highway?
Remember, don’t take yourself too seriously,and sometimes, when life hands you “SH*T!” It helps to laugh!
Have a great weekend!
Do you have an embarrassing stories?