I know that everyone has abandoned you, that you feel like no one in the world loves you. I know how much you are hurting, because NO ONE in your family will take you in. It feels like no one believes you. Mother has decided that she will stay with Merrill. Even though he plead quilty to sexually abusing you. I don’t understand even now. Just know it isn’t because you are lacking or that you aren’t loveable… I KNOW that is HOW you feel. Please cry, you deserve to feel the sting of those tears. It hurts, I wish I could say that hurt goes away.
You are so amazing, you are doing the right thing. YOU stood up to him! And even though he doesn’t get sentenced to what he deserves, a life sentence… He admited to sexually abusing you. You are valuable, you are loved, I love you. I hold in my heart all your pain, I cry for you the tears you are too strong to cry. I love you, and hug you when you think no one is there. It is me, your future, and honestly it is more than you could have ever dreamed.
You know the tall sandy blond hair with green eyes that you dream about, the one you just know will come and take you away from all this hurt, and how you just KNOW your initals will be MJB… Well it is all true, it will take some time, but he will show up. He is so funny, and the best Dad EVER. you You have a husband that makes you laugh, when you want to choke him, no it’s not perfect. Things are hard, and we have been thru hard things, but as you know hard things make us stronger. I am so thankful.
You get to smile and laugh EVERYDAY! Seriously everyday! Your children are so beautiful. Everyone says so, One child will be a big challenge, but you will learn so much from him. He is amazing, he is his own person, and even though he came to you young, he kept you young and saved your life.
You haven’t learned yet, or maybe you have, but every single thing happening is teaching you something that will help you in the future, it will make you stronger, and wiser.
I have a few things for you to remember:
1. Don’t withhold your love, you need it now… give it to others who need it.
2.Don’t make others mistakes everyone’s mistakes.
3. A bag of weed or a 12 pack, does not mean he loves you, it just means he wants to take a fast track to inside your pants. (and this ain’t love! just a cheaper way of him making you a prostitute!)
4. The smart guys, who want to partner you in lab class because they know you are smart are GOLD! KEEP them in you life.
5. Don’t stay because you think it will be easier, a road that you pave yourself will be one you are most proud of.
6. Tune the world out by listening to music, it is the cure all for everything.
7. Love and cherish your siblings, all of them, they won’t be here forever! Call them everyday….
8. You will always remember every last conversation, make sure even in anger they know you care.
9. Even though you want to die, even though you feel like your life sucks, remember soon, you get to call the shots! And you will call some amazing ones!
10. YOU decide your value! and until you value yourself, no one will value you! Place it HIGH! because you are PRICELESS, and have survived more than anyone can imagine.
11. I am waiting for you, I am hugging you now, and you are amazing! and fabulous! and I LOVE YOU!